“It's funny how women say the dating pool is a pity, Yet they act like they're free from it, ain't that a ditty. In simple terms, they think their shit don't stank, But we're all part of the reason dating is in the tank. We've all played a role in this modern love fray, And technology helped to lead us astray.”

 

Before I say anything else, let me say that modern dating has brought me a wealth of good memories and women that I will forever cherish. But this book isn’t about my dating aspirations as I do not aspire to get married (again).... but you do. And the main dilemma with modern dating, especially with women like yourself, is…. Too many damn options.

In Big Mama’s day, finding a partner was like picking a flavor at the ice cream shop: vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. Simple. But now, it's like walking into a Baskin Robbins with 31 flavors and a whole lotta brain freeze trying to choose the right one! All these options might seem fun at first, but trust me, it makes building a lasting relationship harder than trying to twerk in a pencil skirt.

Today, having so many options make relationships unstable. Our grandfathers took their role as family leaders very seriously. They provided for and protected their families, even if they were railroaded due to race, religion, social status, education, etc. Despite the challenges, our grandparents stayed together for decades, showing great loyalty and dedication until they passed away. Their strong commitment is very different from many modern relationships, showing how too many choices can be problematic.

But let’s be honest: How in the hell is it possible to have a 1950s-ish type of love when it is 2024 or whatever year you read this? The only answer is…. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. You cannot desire your grandparents’ love when you no longer live in that era. That type of love no longer exists, BUT that does not mean you cannot have a long-term marriage in today’s world. You just need to realize that your grandma didn’t have a gang of options. Sure, she may have had a few men around the way that fancied her. But she didn’t give all of them dudes the time of day, just your grandpa. Yet here you are on ALL these dating sites, giving hundreds of dudes access to you.

When you do that, please remember this equation: Too Many Options = Nothing To Choose From

In case you suck at math, what I mean is: Having too many dating options means you have nothing to choose from. Lemme ask you this. What if you have too many jobs to go to? You wouldn’t be able to settle on one and would be fired from all of them. Well, that’s the same thing with dating. How will you find your husband if you have too many men that you’re entertaining, even if you’re “just talking”? Last time I checked, unless you desire a polyamory marriage, a husband is ONLY one man. (I will talk about poly and other non-traditional relationships later in this book)

Having too many options can make it hard for a woman to decide and feel satisfied, especially if she's aiming for marriage. When there are many potential partners, figuring out who’s the best fit for a long-term commitment can be overwhelming. This flood of choices makes it challenging to settle on one person, leading to a constant search for someone better. This indecision can stop you from forming a stable, lasting relationship.

Plus, comparing each partner’s qualities can create unrealistic expectations. When these expectations aren’t met, they can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. Ultimately, this constant uncertainty and search for the perfect partner make it hard to build a solid and enduring relationship, which leads to a successful marriage.

 

Real Recognize Real: Focus On Meaningful Connections To Narrow Your Options Down

Prioritizing meaningful connections isn’t just about swiping right or left; it’s about diving deeper to identify and value genuine relationships. Think of it as upgrading from basic cable to premium cable channels like HBO and Starz —you're looking for high-quality content that truly resonates with you. To do this, start by understanding six core values.

 

Core Value #1: Find Out What Truly Matters To You

What truly matters to you? Aligning relationships with these values is like finding a playlist where every song is a smash. Then, there's the magic of building emotional intimacy. This isn’t just about heart-to-heart talks over candlelit dinners, although those help. It’s about being open and vulnerable, letting your guard down, and showing your true self. Effective communication is the foundation here—imagine it as the Wi-Fi signal that keeps all your devices, AKA your relationship, connected and running smoothly.

 

Core Value #2: Filter Out Distractions

Filtering out distractions is crucial for focusing on quality over quantity. In a world buzzing with a bunch of clickbait and bullshit, it's easy to get caught up in superficial interactions. Set clear boundaries—think of them as your personal “Do Not Disturb” mode. Focus on personal growth, aligning your journey with your relationship goals. Prioritize quality interactions that bring joy and fulfillment, like choosing a gourmet meal over fast food. Manage external influences (family, friends, social media, etc.) and stay true to your values, ensuring that your connections are not just fleeting moments but lasting bonds. This way, you manifest BME with connections that truly matter.

 

Core Value #3: Open and Honest Communication

Open and honest communication is critical, like having a direct line to customer support when needed. It builds reliability and trust, ensuring that what you see is what you get. Being able to talk about anything and everything without fear of judgment ensures that you both stay on the same page. It’s like having a strong ass Wi-Fi signal – reliable and always there when you need it.

 

Core Value #4: Recognize Real Potential

Recognizing real potential amidst the noise is like finding that one genuine self-help book in a library full of “I could have Googled this” books. (Yep, I’m talking about my competition.) You want to spot the meaningful connections that have depth and substance. This means looking beyond the surface—compatibility and emotional intelligence are your new besties.

Speaking of emotional intelligence...

 

Core Value #5: Up Your Emotional Intelligence Game

Spotting a meaningful connection amidst all the noise is like finding a diamond in a coal mine. To make this easier, focus on identifying compatibility and assessing emotional intelligence (EQ). Think of it as finding someone who gets your weird jokes and knows how to handle emotions like a pro. It's not just about shared interests; it’s about understanding and respecting each other's feelings.

 

But to up your EQ game, you must….

 

Core Value #6: Pay Attention to Consistency In Actions

 Words are easy to say, but actions are hard to display. If a man says they care about you yet never shows up when it matters, it’s time to rethink your relationship with him. Consistency builds trust, and trust is the foundation of any serious relationship. So, focus on connecting with a man who walks the walk more than they talk the talk.

 

Those six core values will help you overcome the illusion of options. However, another illusion that has infested the modern dating scene for several years needs to be addressed...

 

The Hoe Trap: The Illusion of Pussy Power

If you already understand that a wife is NOT using her body as a bargaining chip or using a man for money, feel free to skip past this section. (Or stick around and be entertained by my rant.) To the rest of you, I need to get something off my chest:

 You Cannot Turn A Hoe Into A Housewife. Not Then, Not Now, Not Ever.

 I first heard this phrase as a kid, and it still rings true today, especially with social media ushering in a new breed of hoes. At least the old-school hoes back in the pre-2000s understood that they weren’t going to be someone’s wife unless they stopped their ho-ish ways. While a few have done so, most accepted that they are hoes until they are wrinkly and old. By then, their bargaining chip (body) is no longer a bargain, so they have no choice but to straighten up their act and try to act wifey-like.

As you will learn in a later chapter, your market value is at its highest in your 20s and 30s, as those are your prime years in the looks department. Men are visual creatures, so we want a lady we are physically attracted to, especially if we have to wake up beside them every single day. That’s why if you are trying to become a wife, it is best to do it while you have youth on your side.

Is it over for you to become a wife after 40? No! Am I saying that you stopped being attractive after 40? Hell no! I have messed with dated gorgeous women over 40, so age has little to do with maintaining your physical appearance. However, once you are in your 40s and you’re still unwedded, it gets harder every single day to enter a successful marriage, especially when you have been (or still are) a 304, AKA a hoe.

Wanna know the average age of women getting married in the US today? 28.6 years old. That means most wives found their hubby before 30 (again, it helps to have youth on your side). Meanwhile, you’re out here twerking on the ‘gram by day and doing OnlyFans by night. Yet, you want a... husband??? Nah, luv. It’s time you get your priorities straight!

To build BME, get that hoe-ly spirit out of your system ASAP. Here are the three primary ways to do so:

 1. Stop using your body as a bargaining chip.

 The most ho-ish thing you can do is use your body as a bargaining chip. That’s straight-up prostitution, which is Low Marriage Energy (LME) behavior. Look, I get it. We live in a world where it feels like you gotta flaunt what you have to get ahead. But you’re not Ebony from the movie Player’s Club. You don’t have to ‘Use what you got to get what you want.’

And let's be honest, luv, using your body as a means to get things? That's not empowerment; that's playing into a system that undervalues you. You're worth more than that. You deserve a man who loves you for you, not just for what you can do for him in the bedroom.

 

 2. Stop viewing men as a come-up.

 Be honest with yourself - Do you want a husband, a sugar daddy, or a pimp? You can't have it all. A husband is a partner, not a human ATM. It's time to get clear on what you want in a relationship. If you're looking for someone to spoil you and fund your every whim, that's a sugar daddy, not a husband. And if you're letting a man control you and profit off your body, honey, that's a pimp-hoe relationship. Remember this: A husband is a partner for building a life together, not for using or being used by.

A good man will want to provide for his wife, no doubt. But that doesn't mean he's your personal bank account. It's about building a life together, sharing responsibilities, and working towards common goals. If you're only interested in the finer things in life and expect him to foot the bill, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

3. Stop validating your self-worth by how much attention you receive.

Do you know those balloon-popping videos on social media? My gawd. Those videos make me cringe, as dating shows have always been LME events. But this balloon-popping dating show is the lowest of the lows. Most women (and men) in these videos aren’t serious about finding a life partner. Instead, they want a lifestyle partner.

So how does this apply to you even if you’ve never appeared on that God-awful show? Well, you may share the same mentality as the women on that show. You're validating a man's wallet, not his wisdom. You care more about his cash, not his character. And all that leads to you valuing lifestyle over love.

Look, I understand we live in an era where getting attention may lead to wealth, but let's not get caught up in the hype of flashy displays of wealth. Living the influencer lifestyle might look fun, but is it what you really want? Are you attracted to the man or his money? Do you wanna be a wife or a... baller, shot caller, 20-inch blades on the Impala? (If you don’t get the reference, please Google it. It’s a dope song!)

Seriously though, being an attention whore doesn’t mix with being a wife. While I strongly recommend you date a financially secure man (as debt is a major cause of divorce), that’s not where his true value lies. The true value lies in a man’s character, integrity, and kindness. Those things will make you stay with him 50+ years from now. Also, those things will make him stay with you long after your looks fade.

The moral of the story? Don't let “the bling life” blind you to what truly matters.

 

The illusion of options leads to a delusional mindset where you start believing your own hype. You think you're too pretty for the city, too fly for the average guy, and too fine, so you gotta be wined and dined. The biggest problem that fellas face in modern dating isn’t PMS; it's PGS – Pretty Girl Syndrome. Social media validation fuels this delusion, making you feel entitled to constant attention and luxury. But in reality, this attitude pushes away potential partners and leaves you feeling lonely and unfulfilled, especially as you get older and your looks dwindle.

To find your husband, you gotta stop falling for the illusion of options and pussy power. You must utilize the six core values to narrow down the type of man you desire. You must stop hoe behavior to attract a man who wants to become a husband. In the upcoming chapters, we will discuss how to do these things to build BME naturally. And please be aware that...

The purpose of this book is not to find a “good man” but to find a good you.

 

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